“But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. And he declared to them how he had seen the Lord on the road, and that He had spoken to him, and how he had preached boldly at Damascus in the name of Jesus.” Acts 9:27
Yesterday I was a bit grieved and yet at the same time a bit relieved that an incongruence in the outworking of faith in my family was questioned. Mind you, I have tried my hardest and prayed all the more diligently that someday this issue would be brought to light by God and that it would cause change in my household. But even so, the pain from this incongruence being brought to light when a member of our church questioned a holiday tradition my husband expects to happen in our home each Easter – the appearance of the Easter Bunny - was difficult to have to face.
You see my husband and I are not on the same page in regards to our faith. When we were married we were both not believers and even though we both made professions to Christ at about the same time, my fervor for the Lord and His Word soared while my husband was content in going back to this comfortable base of religion and church activities. After many failed attempts I found pushing him into a deeper faith was not the answer to bringing about change in his spiritual life, and yet 15 years later we still experience a wide gap in how we live out our faith. One which unfortunately leaves our children a bit confused and me greatly burdened with the task of spiritual leadership in our home – one I have tried in vain many times to give to him.
That being said, I feel no matter how distant my husband is from God even while being a confessed believer (and I have seen God work at times through him to move us in certain directions and believe he is truly committed to what he knows and believes), I still feel the need to be submissive to him. It has been difficult especially with certain things he wills to happen that I find questionable (but not quite anti-biblical). In those things I have chosen to submit to his wishes and place the results of my submissive actions in the hands of God to work out for His good.
I guess that is why the reading from Oswald Chambers this morning from My Utmost for His Highest was so meaningful. It reads:
”Being saved and seeing Jesus are not the same thing. Many are partakers of God’s grace who have never seen Jesus. When once you have seen Jesus, you can never be the same, other things do not appeal as they used to do…Jesus must appear to your friend (or husband – my words) as well as to you; no one can see Jesus with your eyes. Severance takes place where one and not the other has seen Jesus. You cannot bring your friend unless God brings him. “
For my husband to see God and pursue God in a passionate manner, he must first be ready to see Jesus with open eyes, kind of like Paul when he met Jesus on the road to Damascus. Until then I need to take this severance I feel between the two of us and continue to offer it up to God no matter how much longer I am asked to wait for the severance to be removed. I pray that the gentle confrontation God allowed in church yesterday will be the beginning of that transition in my husband’s life and that I will be willing to do whatever it takes to help in that transition.